Self-Care for Mental Health
Selfish, egotistical, inconsiderate, opportunistic… words that describe someone who puts themselves first without regard for others.
Generous, altruistic, giving, considerate… words that describe someone who is concerned and thoughtful of the needs of others.
So, we have words that describe thinking of others and not thinking of others but, where are the words that mean thinking of yourself? Ya know… the words that say just because you focus on yourself or your needs doesn’t mean you left someone high and dry in the process. When I searched the internet for words that mean taking care of yourself, do you know what I got?
Fend for yourself
Look after yourself
Get by
Manage on your own
And my personal favorite… survive. Survive?! Are you kidding me?
I find it aggravating that there seems to be not one single word that means taking care of yourself is good, normal, healthy, necessary, and encouraged. Where is that magic word that has a positive association with taking care of yourself?
So many times in therapy I notice my patients describing themselves and their actions. I teach them to be more mindful and that their words are important and impactful. Many people tend to have go to words in their vocabulary bank. Almost all of the words in the vocabulary bank convey a meaning that we quickly can decipher as negative or positive. When we use these words over and over the word and connotation (negative or positive) start to become a part of how we identify ourselves.
When we make decisions, we identify our options and then attach description to them to help us decide. This tends to sound like, “If I do this then…” “With this option I seem like a total…”. Guess what we fill in after the … that’s right, our buzz words from our vocab bank.
Let’s play with the following scenario for an example. You are on a committee to organize and host the annual fundraiser for a local children’s hospital. In addition to all the other tasks you have done on the committee, at the last minute a committee member tells you they need you to provide cookies for the bake sale portion of the fundraiser. Now… you know that last year the bake sale was a big success and that people were lining up to buy Betsy Bakesalot’s homemade cookies. In addition to the fundraiser tomorrow you also have a presentation at work to get ready for, you signed yourself up for a class at the gym, and were really looking forward to watching the next episode on your Hulu cue to top off your night. You really want to buy the cookies at the store but know that homemade cookies would probably raise more money and you need to make a choice. Let’s start combing through that vocab buzzword bank to help us decide… if you buy the cookies you are _______, ah here’s a good one that fits, SELFISH. Because you could wake up early to prep for your presentation, skip your gym class and just bake while you watch your show instead of watching plopped on your couch in comfort mode. On the flipside if you bake the cookies you are _______, let’s plug in altruistic. And what a time to be altruistic because those children at the hospital are counting on this. So, after listing and describing the options with our available vernacular isn’t it obvious which one to go for… the one where you aren’t a selfish, reality tv-watching, inconsiderate couch potato.
But what if there was that MAGIC word that was available in your buzz word bank. The magic word that conveyed it’s ok to make a choice that allows you time to rest and refuel. A word that says make the choice that allows you to do what you realistically have the time for without having to feel shame or scold yourself for not being able to keep all the balls you are juggling in the air. A word that encourages you to factor into your choices the importance of your sleep, health, and happiness.
Self-care is a thing... it is a priority and a necessity. It allows us to be better for ourselves and, in turn, for others. If we continue to scold ourselves for picking things we like or are fun, things that are healthy, or things we think are important, we start to pick those less and less and that comes with costs. Next time you have a choice to make, I hope you can remember that magic word that doesn’t exist. I hope it helps you choose the option that is best for you… the rest will fall into place.
10 Necessary Non-Glam Self-Care Ideas
-Regular Sleep -Budgeting -Stick To a Routine
-Eating Healthy -Taking Time to Clean/Organize Your Space -Take Time to Breathe
-Exercise -Attending Medical Appointments -Limit Social Media Use
-Prioritize Important Tasks (car inspection, professional goals, schoolwork)
10 Fun and Equally Important Self-Care Ideas
-Bubble Bath -Date Night -Spend Time Outdoors
-Spa Day -Take Out/Eat Out - Girls Night/Guys Night
-Day Trip -Game Night -Movie/TV Marathon
-Being Creative (art, music, make something, cook something, etc.)